Every child worries sometimes. They worry about school tests, falling out with friends, or whether they’ll get the “good” chair at lunch. Most of the time, these worries come and go, and life carries on.

But for some children, worry becomes a constant companion — one that follows them to school, hovers at bedtime, and turns even ordinary events into a source of dread.

In my clinic, I’ve met children who could tell you the exact location of every fire exit in their school, “just in case”, or who keep mental lists of every possible thing that could go wrong in a day. While a bit of preparation is healthy, these children aren’t simply being cautious — they’re stuck in a pattern of anxiety that’s hard to break without help.

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The Difference Between Normal Worries and an Anxiety Disorder

Occasional worry is part of life, it’s our brain’s way of keeping us safe. But anxiety disorders are different: the worry is intense, frequent, and gets in the way of daily life.

Signs it might be more than a passing phase include:

• Persistence — worries last for weeks or months, not just a few days.
• Avoidance — your child regularly avoids certain people, places, or activities because of fear.
• Physical symptoms — headaches, stomach aches, nausea, racing heart, or trouble sleeping that can’t be explained medically.
• Impact on enjoyment — they’re unable to take part in things they would otherwise like because of their worries.

Recent NHS data shows that around 1 in 8 children aged 5–19 in the UK experience a diagnosable mental health condition, with anxiety disorders being among the most common. Early recognition is key, because the longer anxiety patterns go unaddressed, the more they can shape a child’s choices and confidence.

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What Anxiety Can Look Like in Different Ages

• Under 7s may have intense separation anxiety, nightmares, or need constant reassurance.
• Primary-aged children may develop strong fears of specific things (dogs, storms, getting in trouble at school) or become perfectionists to avoid “making mistakes”.
• Teenagers might withdraw socially, avoid school altogether, or overthink every interaction.

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What Helps

1. Listen and Validate
Resist the urge to talk your child out of their worry straight away. Instead, acknowledge their feeling: “It sounds like you’re feeling really nervous about the trip tomorrow — that must be hard.” This helps them feel understood and safe to open up.

2. Gradual Exposure
Avoiding feared situations might feel like relief in the moment, but it teaches the brain that avoidance is the only safe option. With the right support, gently and gradually facing fears — one small step at a time — helps the brain learn, “I can cope with this.”

3. Keep Routines Predictable
Structure provides a sense of safety. Regular bedtimes, predictable morning routines, and knowing what’s coming next can help reduce background anxiety.

4. Model Coping Strategies
Children learn as much from watching us as they do from what we say. Show them healthy ways to handle stress — taking slow breaths, breaking big tasks into steps, or talking through a worry rather than bottling it up.

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When to Seek Professional Help

If anxiety is stopping your child from attending school, affecting their sleep most nights, or limiting their ability to enjoy life, it’s time to get extra support. Speak to your GP, the school’s pastoral team, or a child mental health professional. Evidence-based therapies, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), are highly effective for anxiety in children and can give families practical tools to break the cycle.

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Final Thought

Anxiety isn’t a sign your child is “weak”,  it’s a sign their brain is working overtime to protect them. With the right understanding and support, children can learn to quiet that overactive alarm system and face challenges with growing confidence.